Walking Through Glass, Dreams and Writing

In this Weblog, I hope to explore dreams, poetry (and other writing), and the connections between dreaming and writing. I hope you will participate in a dialogue on the subject. Please DO post comments.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Lumpers and Splitters

I studied taxonomy in college and learned about lumpers and splitters. Some taxonomists like to divide and divide into smaller and smaller groups while others look for similarities and group things together. I've been splitting my blogs into topics, but sometimes, the topics overlap. I posted a dreamwork piece on the Full Tilt Retreat Blog because I wrote it at my Spuddy Retreat Day three and wanted a continuity in that blog--a daily entry. So--if you'd like to see a dream used in a flash piece called Calico Wind, click here.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Dreams and Reveries

Water runs over my shoulders and down my back, warming and soothing me. My fingers reach deep into sudsy hair. A story forms in my mind, unfurls and blossoms. I watch it flower, excited, as I rinse and condition my hair. I soap and scrub my face and body, rinse, and step from the shower. As I reach for the towel, I realize the story is gone like a dream lost in morning sun.


Rebecca Dreams (detail from), multimedia: block print and electronic, Mary Stebbins Posted by Hello

Rune Staircase

I dream that I have magic runes, clay or stone mini-tablets each inscribed with a word or letter that flow together to make stories and poems. As I descend long winding stone stairs with damp rusty stains toward the courtyard of a castle, a soldier runs up the stairs, sword swinging at his side and bumps me, knocking my leather bag of runes so that they scatter down the long stairs. This so upsets me that I awaken. I ask Keith if he is awake and he mumbles he is. I say that I have spilled my words on the stairs and to be careful. It is difficult to speak. Each word is extracted painfully from a deep shadowy place, drawn slowly out and deposited into an oddly foreign night. Then in a rush, I say, “Or maybe it was just a dream, probably it was.” He says he will watch for my words. I go back to sleep thinking it was a dream and dream it was not a dream. It is morning and I walk down the stairs of the house in Grosse Pointe Farms. In bright morning light, I see my precious words strewn down the carpet-covered stairs. As I pick them up, they form the words of a breathtaking story, but when I wake, the story is gone.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

The Crucifixion


The Crucifixion, photo by Mary Stebbins, taken at The Heidelberg Project in Detroit. This photo has the nightmarish quality of certain dreams. Posted by Hello

At the Edge, short story from dream

In the past couple days, I wrote a short story based on a dream I had a few days ago. Here is the dream:

I stop at Wegman's on my way to visit my mother at the nursing home. I want to buy her a little treat. Some dark chocolate. I like to bring her a little something when I visit, because she lives so much in the moment.I am disappointed to see a crowd gathered around the Menu table. They are exactly blocking the table of candy I wanted to examine. The chef demonstrates one of the meals from the new Menu and handing out samples. Some yuppie ham schnitzel concoction made with pork, not too spicy. I don't push up for a sample because I have only a little window of time to visit my Mom before I have to be at the lawyer's office. I’ve been asking Blake for a divorce for 20 years and have gotten nowhere. This will be the day I finally set the wheels in motion.I can't see Mom afterwards so I need to hurry. I push along the perimeter of the crowd and between stacks of crates displaying some of the ingredients for the ham schnitzel. On impulse, I toss a container of the ham and pork patties into my basket, and then all the other ingredient. It's a warmish early spring day, but if I wrap my car blanket around them, they should keep okay.I tear off one of the recipes printed on bright goldenrod paper and cram it down between the ingredients. I hope I like Ham Schnitzel.It's hot in here. I strip off my new grey North Face jacket and my grey textured American Eagle sweater. Blake gave it to me 20 years ago, on my birthday, right before he left me for Catlyn. I found it yesterday, digging some of Blake’s old stuff out of the closet where it’s hung for 20 years.I toss them in the basket. The sweater just surfaced this morning when I was tossing out some of Blake's old chamois shirts that were still hanging in the back of the closet. They wouldn't fit either of us, we've both gained weight. I turn away to look at the chocolate and someone takes my cart. It's a young woman, maybe twenty-two or three, with a child about five. "Brendyl," she shouts, as the child pockets a handful of grapes. She releases her hold on my cart to run over and snatch up the girl.Assuming she had grabbed my cart by accident, thinking it was hers; I push it about three steps toward the candy aisle. The woman dashes back, grabs it, and screams at me, "Don't take my cart."I stare at her, look into the cart. It's my sweater my coat, my schnitzel ingredients. I am not the one who's confused.She yanks the cart. Hard. Meanwhile, Brendyl, in her arms, leans over and drops her doll, a Barbie-like doll, and a whole pile of doll clothes into the cart.The woman pulls the cart. "Let go of my cart," she hisses.I yank hard and scream, "Help, Police, help!" No one looks or comes. My voice is strangled. I try again. "Help, police, help. Someone please help." It's a little louder, but not very. No one appears to notice.I give a sudden hard yank and the cart comes free from the woman's hand. I run through the crowd to the service desk. As I run, I pick the doll and doll clothes out of the cart. There are so many, scattered around the cart. I try to hand them to the young man behind the counter. He signals me to a different counter, comes down. I lay the dolls and the pile of clothes on the counter. Fish around for the few remaining ones. It occurs to me that I should have just taken my coat and sweater and let her have the cart."This woman . . ." I start to say."She stole my cart," the other woman says," running up."No," I say, "She stole mine.""That's a lie!" the other woman shouts.Now the crowd of people around the menu table is turning to look at us."If I stole your cart, why would I be turning in these things?" I ask, trying to stay calm. I can feel my ire rising. I pick up the doll and the doll clothes and try to hand them to Brendyl. The girl reaches for them but the woman slaps my hand and the doll and clothes fall to the floor.She grabs me by the arm and slaps me on the cheek, hard. My teeth rattle. I put my hand to my face and stare at her, astonished.

To see the story that I wrote from this dream, click here (please keep in mind that at this point, at least, this is a very early draft--brand new!): http://halfformed.blogspot.com/2005/04/at-edge.html

If you are interested in seeing the process I used writing this story, click here: http://halfformed.blogspot.com/2005/04/at-edge-look-at-raw-story-process.html

Saturday, April 09, 2005

In a Woodland Tunnel


In a woodland tunnel: I often dream of walking on and on through faded landscapes as if at dusk. This is a self-portrait of me in one of my dreams. Mary Available. Click on image to view larger. Posted by Hello

Dreaming Tahquamenon

On a raft above the falls, drifting
Among great boulders, a bed waits.
Under a waxing gibbous moon, across
the bed, we face each other. Unbutton one
button at a time. Eyes lock
in the dim light. Trees spin by, dark
hemlocks, maples pale in autumn
yellow. Another button. One more
and clothes drop
to the deck. Blue light caresses
roundness of breast, lean length of arm,
dark triangles. Under eyelets and
goose down, we turn toward each other
until skin touches skin along the length
of limbs. Over the falls with a thundering
whoosh, the raft sails. Miraculous,
winged. It settles. Soft
in the mist and foam below, our lips
meet.

Mary Stebbins
For KT
[050409-2a; 021027-1b, 1st]
Available

Tahquamenon is the second largest waterfalls east of the Mississippi. It is located in Michigan's UP. This poem came directly from a lovely erotic dream. I hope to continue to work on it until it succeeds (or comes closer to succeeding) at communicating the joy and pleasure I felt in this dream.

Dreams in Stained Glass


Dreams in Stained Glass: Not only are dreams useful in writing, but also in artwork. This piece is a collage of dream images. Mary (artwork by me, Mary Stebbins) NOT available at this time. Posted by Hello

A Sudden Change of Seasons

In the stacks of a crowded bookstore,
searching for rare books
in ancient Greek and Latin,

my father disappears. The aisles
are now oddly empty. Only my mother
and me, bumping into each other

in our frantic search.
It is later
than we thought. We’ve missed

the downtown bus, and lunch in Liverpool
at a outdoor café. In the sun. Between planters
of petunias and golden

honey locusts, we watch for my father.
I think I see him,
an anonymous man

in a brown felt hat and flapping trench coat
headed our way with a package of books
tied in brown twine. The bus

blocks him from sight, won’t stop
when I try to flag it down. When it is gone
without us, my father is gone again, too.

I think he’s vanished into the city until
I spot him sledding with a group of children,
running up the snowy hill with an air mattress.

Face full of fun and light, he turns,
waves once,
and continues on without us.



Mary Stebbins
For Pa
[050409-3c, 020217-2x, 1]
Available

This poem was taken directly from a dream. The dream provided a metaphor for my father’s death. The task, as in all poems, is to put the dream events in concise clear language. I am attempting to move toward that goal with this poem. Mary

Walking Through Glass, Adventures with Dream Poetry

From earliest childhood, I’ve always loved dreams. Once, my dream-life flowed seamlessly into my waking life--all one experience. With utmost sincerity, I told “true” stories that I later realized could not have been true in the “real” or phenomenal world. In one, my grandmother and I stood in the dark in our nightgowns. Outside the glass doors that opened to the back patio, a pack of wolves gathered in a circle of light from the candle on the dining room table. Only the panes of glass separated us from the wolves, and I knew from experience how easy it is to walk through glass—no harder than stepping through the skin of a lake into the water below. It was not the glass that protected me from the wolves, but the will and strength of my grandmother, who was very wise. She knew how to transform fearsome predators into friendly companions.
Later that same year, a wildfire raged across the dry meadows behind the house, and I watched adults battle the blaze. The wolves gathered around me, flanking me on both sides. Inside the house. I now know that although the fire existed in the phenomenal world, the wolves were part of my dreaming.
I began writing poems and stories when I was ten. They contained elements from both waking and dreaming life. They were often silly, but at ten, I didn’t mind being silly. I wrote about flying purple pigs, kings, queens, princesses and orphans. The princesses and orphans were all me. I created a private mythology, drawing from waking imagination and dream images. In dreams I could fly, and often gave my poetic self magical (dream-like) qualities. Dreams were more exciting and interesting than waking life and creating poetry from dreams was a way to re-enter that excitement.
I didn’t articulate this until I grew up, but even as a child, I trusted the poemness of dreams. Dreams are communicated through image and metaphor, two major tools of poetry. Many dreams are poems begging waiting to be captured. Poems are rarely given to me in words, so recording a poem means translating images and metaphors into language. Appropriate language is crucial. A good dream does not automatically make a good poem. I use the same skills with dream poetry that I use in creating poems from a waking experience. I avoid clichés, choose musical and rhythmic words, pay attention to line breaks, stanza breaks and other poetic devices.
Not all dreams are poems simply waiting to be recorded. Some dreams are too long, too complex, or too disjointed to make a good poem. In such instances, I might make poems from selections of the images and metaphors of dreams.
Many dreams relate directly to waking life. I often make helpful and healing discoveries creating dream poems. Ellen Bass says that the purpose of poetry is to speak truth, not to heal, but speaking truth is often a first step to healing, and dreams always speak a truth about some aspect of inner or outer life.
Because many of my dreams feel mythological, I am writing a series of mythological dreams, weaving personal mythology into classical mythology. Sometimes, dreams come to me that seem to be a “gift” from another culture. For example, I recently dreamed a short dream (my dreams are often long and convoluted) of an old woman emerging at night from a dark low doorway and opening her hand to release tiny stars which dispersed into the night. I got up and wrote the following poem:

How the First Mother Brought Winged Stars
to Earth

So long did the first mother sleep in the shadows
of her mud hut that the people forgot her. They forgot
she had come from the sky and given birth to the long
line of mothers, the mothers of all the first people.
The people hunted in the fields and forests, fished
in the streams, and sang under the stars until the first
clouds were born of the seas. The first clouds grew
and grew and covered the stars, weeping on and off
for more than two hands of days. The first people
caught the sadness of clouds, and as the clouds wept,
so did the people. Their sadness flooded the first mother’s
dreams. Though the first mother was ancient and shrunken,
she was spry in dreams, and danced in the dream
shadows of her hut into a dream of stars. She dreamed
herself winged. Flew among the stars. Gathered
great flocks of them into the nets of her wings.
In her hut, she rose singing from her dreams. Came
in the darkness of the nadir to the door of her hut. Called
the people from their shelters to gather around her.
Opened her hands, and released flying stars. Shining
and twinkling, they dispersed into the tall grass
and wildflowers. The people gasped, then laughed,
then sang again. Sang and sang. Now her children,
even those who had forgotten her, had stars, dancing
stars they would call fireflies, stars to shine and call
forth song, even on cloudy nights.[i]

While most of my dream poems involve translating images and metaphors into words, some are given to me in words. One night, I dreamed I was watching a scene and at the same time participating in it, and a voice in my dream mind dictated the words of a poem about what I was seeing. When I woke up, I could not remember all the words, but here is a rendering of what I do remember:

City of Palms

The trailer lurches across a blood sky
on great silver wings whenever the baby kicks.
Lonnie sees the future, a series of images:
a city with palms lining miles of shining sand,
beach tables set with silver, men in pastel shirts
and ties, women in flowered skirts that swirl
around their ankles. This baby will know
a world beyond this rusted trailer tumbled
under masses of kudzu, overgrown
with tall grass and weeds. Below, green
scum broken by mossy backs of giant snappers
covers the pond and the slick muddy banks
are littered with frogs and water moccasins.
Lonnie grips the wobbly railing to let the pain pass,
looks down into the rusting barrel of overflowing
beer cans. She heaves herself up the rotting stairs
into the dark oven where she will wait out
the quickening pains and alone, push out Hope,
red, wet and squalling.[ii]

Although I write poetry for my own satisfaction, it is nice to occasionally win an award for my work. I wrote a poem combining my own sleep and waking dreams with the myth of Persephone, who journeyed to the underworld. (My dreams often feel like journeys to the underworld.) This poem won a first place in New Millennium’s semi-annual poetry contest:

In Murky Waters

In spite of Demeter's sudden, unexplained warning to Persephone
at dinner: "never dive into murky waters," already
Persephone's pink toes disappear into the small shadowed pond
she uses as an entry to the underworld. Persephone
plunges deep into clouded waters, swims strong, and surfaces
in another world. It's not the world you would expect,
if you've been spelunking, not only cold dark damp rock,
stalactites and stalagmites, clusters of bats, dangling spiders.
Here, dark things coexist with an improbable profusion of sunshine,
wind-washed dunes, torrid jungles, mountains, waterfalls, swamps.
Anything you could find in the above-worlds exist below.
Persephone couldn't see them at first, saw only the darkness,
the fire-lit throne room, the endless files of dead passing through,
the grey river Styx and the huge grey swamp through which it flows.
Hades had to teach her. She kept opening her eyes to find other eyelids
underneath, like Dante, taking off his masks. Hades, who kept rambling on
about the "veils," peeled away onion layers of Persephone's eyes
until a dim light, a pale yellow green light began to suffuse the endless night.
Layer upon layer he peeled away, until Persephone herself started clawing,
scraping masks of blindness from her eyes. After days and weeks and months
of this, the sun slowly appeared to her under rock and through rock and within rock
and beyond rock. She saw the rock that is sun. "Look at the sun,"
she said to Demeter, one spring evening, pointing down through rock
into her husband's chambers. Demeter thought her daughter
weak from lack of sustenance, from drinking only grenadine for half the year.
Persephone swore she would rewrite her own myth, imagining an ending
entirely different from this, thinking only of escape from Hades and return to earth.
Now, rewriting her myth again, she sees herself as uniquely privileged
among women, beyond victim, beyond survivor, sun among shadows,
golden fish in murky waters, powerful, winged, and shining
queen of the underworld.[iii]

I love writing dream poetry. For me, every poem, like every dream, is an adventure with something to teach me. I recommend it to anyone who remembers their dreams and enjoys poetry.


Mary Stebbins

[i]For Debbie Hutchison and Robert Moss
[ii]For Erin and Sara Stebbins
[iii]New Millennium Writings, Fall/Winter 1997, for Linda Pennisi, Patrick Lawler, and Janine DeBaise